Monday, April 29, 2013
COM 250 Wk. 5 Discussion: Why Am I Not Listening?
Please reflect back on a particular moment when your unsuccessful listening got you into some problems in your interpersonal relationship or in workplace/education. You are expected to make a narrative of this listening inability and share with us what lesson you learn from your listening failure. Finally, think about how mindful listening relates to the maturity of our self-awareness.
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When i was in the army i didn't listen to my nco or supervisor to you civilians when he told me to be somewhere at a certain time and i got into a lot of trouble. by the time realized i was late for duty, it was too late.
ReplyDeleteHey, I want detailed story and complete analysis, not sketchy repent.
ReplyDeleteThere have been many times when I have gotten in trouble for not listening or paying attention. One in particular that sticks out in my mind happened a few years ago right before my family went on a trip to San Diego. My mom had told me to pack a few days before we left to make sure I had everything. Of course, being the annoying teenager I was, I waited until a few hours before we had to leave for the airport to pack my suitcase. When we got to the airport, we had just enough time to get through security to get to the gate before boarding and heading to San Diego. While we were in our seats, my mom was making sure I had brought everything by listing off things "Toothbrush, shampoo, deodorant..." the necessities. When she was done with that list she asked me if I brought my laptop charger and laptop so I could do some of my homework on the plane ride. I opened my carry on and inside I found that I had my laptop charger, but no laptop. My mom was so furious telling me things like "If you packed earlier, and weren't in such a rush for your clothes, you would have remembered your laptop." Since I forgot my laptop I had to do ALL of my homework the night we got back. Mind you that we didn't get back to our house until 12:30am Monday morning and I had to be at school at 7:00am. The lesson I learned from that was; 1. ALWAYS listen to your mom and 2. If you wait until the last minute to do something, chances are you'll forget something crucial. I think this example is good for self-awareness because I believe we have all gone through something like this and it shows us that we should not wait until the last minute. So, for example, after that happened, I try to get my homework done as soon as I walk in the door so that I don't forget anything crucial.
ReplyDeleteNICE!!! I know my parents were the same way. That is a great story! Thanks for sharing Allison!!!!
DeleteAdam
Hi Allison,
DeleteThanks for sharing!
Of course I read your entire post, but here is what stuck out for me: "ALWAYS listen to your mom"! That is music to my ears! I can't wait to tell my daughter who is in her first year of college.
As parents, we can struggle to be effective listeners. My daughter gets frustrated with me often because I tend to bark orders out to her. I do not express details well and then I get upset when she doesn't perform to my expectations. (so complicated, eh?)
In our relationship I have had to learn to be respectful of her "voice" and not just disregard her input because she is a "kid".
Take care,
Colleen
5:00am - Wake up. 5:45am - Go to unit. 6:00am - Formation. 6:10am - Roll Call. 6:25am - leadership meeting. 6:30am - PT(exercise) 7:30am - breakfast. 8:00am - shower,shave. 8:30am - Motorpool. 9:00am - Formation. 9:10am - PMCS(check your vehicle for damage). 10:30am - Clean storage units out and redo all camo. 11:30 am - 1:00 pm - Lunch. 1:00 pm - 5 pm - Medical training on how to put an IV in and treat casualties in a certain order. 5pm - 6am - Staff Duty. 6am - 6am - Staff duty.
ReplyDeleteThis is the schedule I would have on a four day rotation. So, every four days I'd have to perform all these functions then go and be on duty for more than 24 hours. Well, one day something came up to where I had duty and I was the only dental assistant to help the dentist at the dental clinic and our patients ran over the allotted time. So, by the time I realized I had ran over, it was too late. I had called my supervisor and come to find out, he had to perform the duty while I was at the dental clinic because he couldn't find anyone else in the short time he found out I had forgotten to call him to let him know I was still working at the dental clinic. This got to be a regular thing since I was the only dental assistant for a brigade of soldier of more than 5,000 personnel. It was just me and the dentist performing every kind of dental procedure day in and day out no matter if we were at the clinic, or in a field environment without power, using a generator as back up. Safe to say, I was up for three and four days straight due to not listening to my supervisor telling me to call him in order to let him know if I was going to be late. This is one of the main reasons I'm always 15 minutes prior to class and any appointment.
How many times has unsuccessful listening led to problems? From communicating with parents to employers, we are always challenged to improve our skills. My mother suffered her first stroke at the age of 54. My mother has always had a way with words, so to speak. First, she has perfect pitch so her voice has a melodic quality to it that is clear and projected. Second, she enunciates and is careful how she speaks and does so in a way that demonstrates her love of language. Third, she is detail orientated and is able to describe and paint pictures with her words. When my mother had her first stroke, her speech was dramatically affected. For someone who relied so heavily on verbal communication, she was devastated. Communicating became a real dilemma at times.
ReplyDeleteFor me, when communicating with my mother especially, I tended to listen poorly and speak quickly neither of which is conducive to a stroke victim. Eventually, I learned that she needed much more time to express herself. This was not only due to the physical damage of the stroke but because her emotions were largely affected and she tended to be labile. As I slowed my speech, gave her positive feedback, allowed her ample time to express herself fully, not only did our communication improve but so did our overall relationship.
Thanks for reading,
Colleen
Very good story, So, it is unethical to not listening with due effort and responsibility, especially in close relationship.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
I'm in some what of a long distance relationship with this girl in Boise so trying to talk and listen to one another is challenging since we both live busy life styles. We often argue about communication in fact because we get so little of it with each other, it's hard to continue our relationship. Since I work almost every night, and since she goes to bed early we can't really call or Skype, which makes matters worse, so we resort to texting occasionally throughout the day. We both want something from each other though, and that's when listening to each other get's a little foggy because we're hearing one thing, but we don't necessarily follow through with it, or we do the other thing. For instance, I want to talk to her because I just like talking and seeing her, it's never a bad thing, but she is heavily invested in her school work and golf so much that she's too busy a lot of the time to talk when she wants, and I'm busy with school and work that I'm too busy as well. So the trouble is, she tells me to be patient, and I tell her to find time to talk, but we both are hearing and not empathizing with each other. We're hearing and not listening. In a sense, we both need to change, but we both think that the other should do it first, and that's when the struggle of listening to what we're really saying becomes a major hindrance in our relationship. Though we're still working it out, and always will be if we stay together, I think that we both need to step back and realize that we both have other things outside of this relationship that might be more important, but at the same time if we don't listen to each other, we could lose the relationship. So one thing I learned from not listening to her, is that no matter how busy you might be, I don't think you can ever be so busy that other people don't matter. Listening is a heavy factor in determining how mature a person is because a fool talks, but a wise man listens, so we can talk and blame as much as we want, but what really is going to help is for us to just stop, and listen to what we're really saying.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Steven
My biggest listening problem is assuming I know what the other person means before they complete their thought. Several instances from the workplace come to mind. A coworker will be explaining an idea, process, or task and I start out listening intently. After the conversation reaches some depth, I assume I know the rest of the thought and will begin to pay less attention. Sometimes, I jump in and complete their sentence if they pause to think. This often fails to capture their perspective and lacks the detail the speaker intended to share.
ReplyDeleteI know these are bad habits because I sometimes miss the most in-depth portion of a conversation. I walk away filling the blank with my ideas rather then theirs. In addition, this behavior implies I don't have the time or interest to wait and listen to the speaker. Over the years, I have received this impression from others and it is hurtful. Therefore, it is important for me to take the time and be self-aware of this fallacy. I need to be patient and listen for the details that the speaker is giving me, even if they take a moment to pause. Most of us want this respectful behavior extended to us so it is only fair that I extend it to others. Being mindful is difficult because you need to think of the other individual involved and less about your own thoughts and responses.
Most people realize and know that when they are at work, or their boss/supervisor tells them to do something...you do it. Working as a firefighter is extremely dangerous, even in rural Oregon, as most people think it's not. After the West, TX fertilizer fire, it really shows how dangerous the profession is.
ReplyDeleteAs firefighting is so dangerous--being in a burning building in excess of 500 degrees, or on a roof with fire beneath your feet, etc.--it is imperative that you listen to everything your Chief, Captain, or Lieutenant tells you. I've found myself at times getting "tunnel vision" where I start to not pay attention to small details in communications between these communications with the officers. I believe good listening is something we all have to work at and a trait we have to develop through practice. In my case, listening to any instructions told to me HAVE to be followed no matter what. In firefighting, people tend to get so focused on trying to save someone's life or putting out the fire, or whatever the case. However, if you don't listen to the instructions given...you could very easily loose your life.
I haven't had any problems with listening to others that resulted in serious problems, however I've had many instances where I'd forgotten a detail from instructions from someone. This would make me think to myself, "Why didn't I just listen?" In school I have had more serious situations with poor listening interactions. During high school I would have important assignments due the next day and I would be talking with my friends and ignore the instructions. And of course that night I would try to remember what was said, but could never remember. Thankfully, in college the majority of the professors have a schedule with specific dates associated with each assignment making everything a bit easier.
ReplyDeleteFrom these experiences I have learned to be more careful when listening. To do this I consciously think to myself whether a given situation is important or not. If I'm talking with my friends I can dose in and out of listening, but for school I try to keep my attention on what is said all through class. Like most things in life listening is a skill that develops over time, but is only mastered through practice.
It was at work we had Manager's meeting, going over bunch of information about how our corporation is going through transition to elevate it's Brand. It was long meeting with lots of discussion going on. I was focusing for the most part, till we were asked to come with idea's to pass down this new launch to our Associates and Customers. I got so into thinking about idea's and started selective listening some very important information while our Senior District Manager(SDM) was talking. I really don't know how it really happened that I didn't hear her saying this; we on our own had to come up with feedback, of how lunch is going to affect the customers which was due on Friday. I got email from my SDM about my feedback, I got really embarrassed and had to tell her that I might have missed that part.
ReplyDeleteFelt really bad and said sorry for not getting the feedback on time. I couldn't explained her that I spaced out, more like my selective listening and was more focus on how idea's I will speak in front of everyone.
I think it's very hard to be a good listener at any level if we are not fully attending to what others are saying and feeling. I personally was going through this in the meeting, when much of the time when my SDM was speaking my head became full with my own personal thoughts and agendas how I was going to response to the questions being asked to each of us. After that mistake I realized that to listen well, I need to put my thoughts aside and be with the speaker. I also learned that one has to fully attend to the speakers words and inner emotion.
As a student, I run into bad habits that include not listening all the time. In particular, while I was in high school there was this one class that I could not stay focused in for the life of me. Every day, I would go to this class and instead of taking notes, I would day dream or scribble along in my notebook until I heard the final bell. On review day, I continued with my same routine and did not realize that we were going over the review because I had not listened earlier during class. I became completely unprepared for the test that was going to take place the following day. If I had only paid attention in the class and focused my attention towards what the teacher was teaching then I would have done better. Doing well in school is one of my major priorities and when I got my grade back, I knew that I had to put more work into my schooling. If I wanted to succeed I would have to stop day dreaming and start learning what the teacher was trying to get across. As I moved onto college I was aware of my bad habits and sometimes still fall into that same routine, but all I have to do now is remind myself that I can be a better student. This helps me get back on track and a better listener/student.
ReplyDeleteI have had multiple problems listening to many people. I have always had trouble listening to my parents when I was younger, but now that I am in college and on my own, I have been doing better at listening to what they have to say. I also have had problems listening to my friends as well. I find myself having to ask them multiple times what they had previously said, which leads to irritation and frustration. To me, these are easy fixes. A larger problem for me is listening in class. I find myself doodling in my notebook or playing on my phone, which leads to confusion and not knowing when tests are, or when assignments are due, etc. One problem in particular was from work. I was told to bake a 6 ft sub the night before it was due out. I listened, but didn't listen very well I suppose and I ended up not doing it after all. The 6ft sub was due at noon the next day, so by the time my manager got to work and realized that I had misheard and not made the sub, she was rushed in getting the order done efficiently and out on time. From this situation I learned that effective listening is extremely important especially in a place of business where it involves customers. Now, I make sure to double-check with my manager and supervisors so situations such as this won't happen again.
ReplyDeleteI've have multiple cases where listen has caused me conflict. First I've noticed in relationships when having an argument. Since I would already have my opinion on the topic I tend to ignore their half of the story which in return damaged the relationship. It’s important to have good listening skills to help maintain and have a successful relationship with either a friend or your other half because there is never one side to a story. Open communication is always key for success. Also other places where my listening skills have failed me were in classes that had uninterested me. I would have a course that was mandatory for me to take and I would sit in class and think of what drama was going on or about my next class. In return I would struggle with that course when come to taking quizzes and tests, at first I would so muddled to of why I was receiving these scores but it all came from lack of listening skills. I still find myself struggling in college at time with my listening skills but it is just a matter of taking the time to focus and understand what the professors are trying to get across. Breaking habits is always a struggle but with the right mindset and the new knowledge that I've obtained I can now apply these in future situations.
ReplyDeleteOne time in high school, i was supposed to meet up with a group of friends at 725 9th street but i wasnt really listening and all I heard was 1402 C Ave. Well I get to 1402 C Ave. and no one from my group of friends was there but instead, our bully was there. It turns out that when they said 1402 C Ave., they were saying that we were not going to meet at our old hangout at 1406 C Ave. because that was too close to the school bullys new house. That afternoon was torture and thanks to that experience, I always make sure to double check the time and place Im supposed to be somewhere. My friends still bring this story up sometimes and i hate it every time.
ReplyDelete